I'm Just Crystal

Painful Pedastals

2006-08-13T18:36:00.001-05:00

Pedestals are the eerie places we place those we envy, hate or wish pain toward. It is not the place we place those we honor, or those who possess the qualities we admire.

It is not the place we place those who prove themselves or those who achieve more than we think we ever could. It is the place we place those who we secretly want to fail. The pedestal is not a friendly place and God knows there is no company far up there.

It's not a place that welcomes anyone and it is awfully cold with thin air up there. It makes deep breaths virtually impossible. It is lonely and depressing and there is far more risk involved than being on the grounded plains we walk on. We put them there because we know the risk involved, and ultimately because we know they will always, always fall...

And when they do we act surprised, disappointed and even betrayed. In reality it is our fault; we put them there knowingly and although their fall can have catastrophic results, we never help put the pieces back together. Instead we look for the next victim and await the next descent.

Did Florence Nightingale Get Tired?

2006-07-23T22:54:00.000-05:00

The last month or so has been quite the roller coaster ride with high highs and some revealing lows.

The highest high was the birth of my Godson, Jaylin. He was born on Tuesday, July 18 at 1:58 p.m. weighing in at a lithe 6 lbs., 3 ozs. I was there from start to finish and it was the most beautiful and intense experience of my life. I left the delivery room with a sore back, a sprained finger and a deep admiration for mothers worldwide. I have often believed that the charge of motherhood is God's highest calling and that belief has been forever cemented. Jaylin is perfect and healthy and every night I pray that in spite of this world, he grows into being a compassionate, balanced, service-oriented man.

As to not dwell on the unpleasant things of life, suffice it to say, I often forget that I'm just one person and I can only influence that which I have influence over... Definitely a Florence Nightingale at heart, I often find my stomach in a knot and tears shed over situations that I have no control over. When you love people, you don't want to see them hurt or even inconvenienced and that is unrealistic. Especially, when the perceived hurt is a conscious decision. In trying to help, I've become the biggest enabler and in the end, I make everything that much worst.

I always say that life is nothing more than a sequence of choices and I am only accountable for my choices. So often I chose to surround myself with people are entirely depleting, who consume without giving thought or thanks and I take responsible for this. Even more, I have to think that I derive some form of satisfaction, maybe even pleasure because it's continual.

People are always telling you who they are and what you are to them and many times I ignore this. I've made so many decisions based on other's needs and wants and it never works for me. In the end, I always feel tired or disappointed or just plain stupid. As my grandmother used to say, "You don't have to eat the whole hog to know you've tasted pork..."

I'm just tired right now, physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally... spent. Definitely going to try something different.

Love & I

2006-06-24T07:58:00.004-05:00

Love has not been that great of a friend to me lately.
Over and over.
Again and again
Love has proved that she is my enemy
My enemy.
Repeating thoughts of the pain that she's caused
and the tears that I've cried.
Is probably why...

Love and I are breaking up tonight.
Love will go its way then I'm sure to find mine.
Love,
Goodbye.
But can you leave your trail behind?
Because I know myself and I will change my mind
and want to love again.

I really wish were were made to be happy without love,
In our lives
To know that I have total control over being happy...
But reality is
I cannot live without love but I will try tonight....

Love and I are breaking up tonight.
Love will go its way then I'm sure to find mine.
Love,
Goodbye.
But can you leave your trail behind?
Because I know myself and I will change my mind
and want to love again.

To avoid further confusion and complex causing comments, this was orignally written Sunday, July 10, 2005. A friend of mine, Shep, was playing the piano and I was in a mood so we wrote a song...

The Vent

2006-05-09T19:28:00.000-05:00

Every personality quirk has got a name these days - depression, schizonrenia, manic depressive, dissociative disorder... whatever happened to just being plain old crazy? When did we start quantifying and qualifying craziness? Craziness even has a specific time of the year now... seasonal depression. If you're crazy in December, you're crazy in June!

Tonight on the way home from work, I heard a radio commercial that said, "This is only for the grown & sexy. If you are not grown & sexy, please change the radio station now"... and then it had like three seconds of silence for our brethern with low self esteem and poor self image to change to station. What's the point?... Out of total defiance, I change the station!

Is anyone else tired of listening to Nick Lachey cry and whine about his marriage ending? Did he not watch the first season of "Newlyweds" at all? I knew the marraige was going to end by the first commerical break, season one, episode one when she cried over having to wash clothes... Moral of the Story: you shouldn't marry people to get around the whole chastity thing... interpretation is totally up to.

People say the road to hell is paved with good intentions, but I think the construction workers laying the payment are corporate executives that make over $250,000.

All the world's a stage and we are all actors/actresses. Tom Cruise is an actor that makes $25 M per movie. Therefore, I should be making... it's a simple syllogism to me.

Thanks to cell phones, I saved over $35,000 today. Due to long morning and general quarter life crisis, I was hot to buy a car. I went to Nalley Lexus on my lunch break, where I was ignored by two salesmen both on their cell phones... Thanks guys, I'm totally over it now.

Can I Quote You?

2006-04-26T18:57:00.000-05:00

I actually had a little down time at work today and the best part of down time is getting to indulge in ridiculous email threads with some of your favorites. Out of this day came many quotable quotes that I had to etch in blogger stone.

I'm totally aware that without context, these probably won't be funny but I find them hilarious annnnnnd it's my blog annnnnd I'll read this for the next 10-days and crack up each time!

Well now the casual fornication is out the window since his brothers of Sigma Tau Delta will obviously be in the room
I have officially adopted " if you like it, I love it" as a part of my everyday vocabulary.
Try anything once, if you like it, do it again...
Other than the whole STD thing, I really don't see why you should treat him with extra caution...
The a$$hole in me doesn't understand this kind of thinking
Little known fact -- we have a client that is working to find a cure for HPV in manatees and sea turtles
I guess now is not the time for me to reveal my undying love for you...( hahahahahahahahahahha, whew my sides hurt) ...we'd have cute kids though.
TWO WORDS -- Planet alignment
...I don't think he could have handled you...and you would have ended up working on the couches in front of the training room to avoid your officemate.
No, it definitely wan't a good relationship... but at least I got an iPod out of it.
Think about the long-walk-to-my-office debacle -- and you were several doors down on the opposite side of the hall
Sure I'm brilliant, wittiy, hard-working, tinkering on outrageously successful, attractve --wwwwait, I lost myself --
See, no good deed goes unpunished!
The Lord accepts 10 percent. I'm more of a 50 kind of girl!
When can I be expecting my kickbacks in the mail
Well rethink no more... our friendship is one of longtime invested unparalleled foolishness including late-night dance parties, obession with the apprentice, entire weekends spent on a couch or a floor in our pj's, random crab meals, getting annoyed with rachel ray's excessive use of salt, finding comedy in what most people would consider regular everyday bahavior and I could go on and. Now who else can you share all this with? :)

See, I’m in tears just copying and pasting!

The Store Experience

2006-04-18T15:18:00.000-05:00

If you can see the time on this post, you will see that I didn't quite make it through my scheduled 9 hours at the big orange box... grrrrr.

The day started out well enough - I got my adorable orange apron that said, "I put customer's first", some "flair" for my apron (if you've seen 'Office Space' you know what flair is) and the best part -- my handy, dandy box cutter. Clearly, I wasn't very useful to customers because I didn't know where anything was but I found that if you turn on your southern charm, smile, insert a faint accent and ask about their grandchildren - you were in! The got me through oooooh the first 3.5 hours... and then it happened:

LOPIT (Little Old Person In Tennis Shoes): Lady, I saw an advertisement saying you carry a line of paint to match sport teams.
Me: {dumb blank look} ummmm k
LOPIT: Do you know where I can find it?
Me: In the paint section.
LOPIT: I tell ya... as if I couldn't figure out that one by myself
Me: Well then what exactly are you asking me
LOPIT: I just want to know what it's all about
Me: Again, if you go to the paint section, they'll tell you what it's all about
LOPIT: {stands there dumbfounded}
Me: Do you know where the paint section is?
LOPIT: I'm done talking to you young lady
Me: ummmm k
LOPIT: I can't believe you were so unhelpful. Is this what they pay you for?
Me: No, Ma'm. They pay me to be the Manager of Human Resources Communication. This is extra.
LOPIT: Then why the hell are you here?
Me: Do you just want to be rude to me or do you actually want your paint?
LOPIT: {mumbles, while walking away}
Me: {Yelling, as she is more than halfway down the aisle} Enjoy your stay in the paint section!!!

Shortly thereafter, I retired.

My day following the store experience was totally productive! I got my hair done (resisted the urge to cut it -- I'm a woman of my word), got a manicure/pedicure AND went grocery shopping! I invited my Mom, brother and best friend over for dinner so I better get to it.

Life is good!... (except for all the pollen)

2006-04-15T22:13:00.000-05:00

I've gotten a fair amount of hate e-mail lately about my communication habits so I wanted to give a quick "life" update so that all of my favoritest people are in the know (although there's not much to know):

The New Job: It's going very well - the work is challenging, and the environment demanding but it's been awesome. I haven't gotten home before 7 p.m. since I started, which is why no one ever hears from me, but I'm totally enjoying it and I work with some great people. Since I'm in associate communications at The Home Depot, I thought it would be a good idea to go spend a few hours in the store and really try to understand the audience I'm communicating to.... Why did I open my mouth? The idea turned into my working in a Home Depot store for an entire 9 hour day. Sooo, be sure to come see me this Tuesday at the store on Piedmont Road! I get an orange apron, box cutter AND a tape measure. How sexy is that? I've got a couple of concerns because customer service is not really my strong suit, my patience with adults is generally pretty low and God help us all if there's a customer with attitude. Just think: them - attitude/demanding. me- box cutter. See where this is going? The silver lining is that I can think of at least two people who'd be willing to post my bail!

The New Love of my Life: My bestest is back in the A-T-L!! My best [girl] friend (Michael cries if I don't make the distinction!) is having a boy in July and I'm thrilled about my new baby... it's like waiting for Christmas! I got to hang out with her (or is it them now?) today and was able to give her the obscene amounts of stuff that I've gotten him... annnnd subsequently I was put on "retail restriction." I must admit that shopping for boys isn't nearly as fun as shopping for girls but I did score Jaylin (that's my love's name) "Baby's First Designer Outfit" today with the cutest Sean John jean suit. I can already tell this one is going to be rotten but my motto is , there's no such thing as spoiled, just "well loved." I still can't get over the idea that there's a teeny tiny penis growing inside of my best friend's tummy - it's mind blowing and beautiful and weird all wrapped up in one!

The New Digs: I finally found a place that I love and I'm moving in July. My apartment has never really felt like home to me. As soon as I walked into my new condo, I knew I was at home and it was a great feeling. It's off of Lenox Road and in a location this is both close to work and my family. Definitely excited about that because I'm not a very good commuter. Atlanta traffic has done some bad, bad things to my vocabulary...

The New Refund: I was too afraid to open my eyes when the accountant finished but the news was good! For the first time ever, I got a tax refund! Between paying for grad school and relocating to GA, I lucked out and the H&R Block God's smiled on my a granted me a four-digit tax refund. A check. From the government? Never seen one. Did you know you that there are no tax shelters pertaining to pets? That's too bad because Gracie cost me a small fortune!

The New Car: TBD... but it's coming! My conceited little brother is turning 17-years old in a few weeks and I'm bequeathing to him my beloved Corolla. I'm going to miss 'Nilla because she's been sooo good to me... even when I didn't change her oil for tens of thousands of miles at a time. But alas, it's time to come up in the world of automobiles. I'm totally committed to picking something before May 1. Any suggestions?

The New Habit: I fall asleep watching "Law and Order: SVU" every single night, with no exceptions. Benson and Stabler are my peeps! As much as I love this show, I must say that it's been giving me the strangest dreams laced with paranoia and murder... someone is always trying to kill me in my dreams now. May have to look into modifying this.

The Reaffirmed Revelation: My family is absolutely amazing! Everyone knows I revel in the "small things." On Thursday, I left work early (4:00 p.m. - how sad is that?) with a serious headache. I literally had to drive home with one eye closed because the sun was making it worse. Anyway, I got home and shortly after I arrived my brother and mother showed up with dinner, meds and a massage. That's right! They both took turns rubbing my neck and back with the sincerest intent that it would help with my headache and you know what.... it totally did the trick! When they left, I was pain free and tickled to death. I just love them!

And with that kiddies, you're all caught up!... so no more ugly emails, got it?

The Lesser of Three Evils

2006-04-05T20:36:00.000-05:00

I can't tell which makes me more nauseating -- "I'm a Stick With You" by the Pussy Cat Dolls or "Unwritten" by who-in-the-heck-knows-but-it's-always-on-the-radio or the fact that Mandisa just got voted off of American Idol...

I Am Who I Am

2006-03-18T11:03:00.000-05:00

I know it seemed as if I've dropped off the face of this earth, but this last month has been one laden with change and transition! After making the decision to leave my company, I gave considerable thought to what it is I wanted to do with my professional life. As much as I love dynamic nature of communications, I don't always enjoy the BS of working in corporate America and I could no longer ignore the tugging on my heart that was leading me to begin to work with children. Having been a nanny in undergrad, a teacher at a daycare during the summers and volunteering with children in countless capacities, for me, it's never felt like work. At the end of the longest, hardest days, there was always that sense of purpose and accomplishment that trumped any temper tantrum or potty training accident. And for a moment, I was so certain...

Certain enough to quit my job and begin to actively (and quietly) pursue educational advancement opportunities in elementary counseling and employment opportunities as a nanny. Through an agency, I was connected with a family in Roswell that had three smart and energetic children and during the interviewing process, I think I really bonded with this family. After a couple of 3-hour long working interviews, they extended me an offer to come work with their family full-time.... and then something happened. That certainty all but dissipated and I was back to wondering.

It wasn't the money because the offer was about $10K beyond generous. It wasn't the children, because I clicked with the entire family almost immediately. I really agonized about the possibility of leaving communications and even the hustle and bustle and corporate America. Even with all of its frustration at time, I love my career. I love being able to bring clients ideas and out-of-the-box communications solutions that they didn't think possible. For me, there is real satisfaction in envisioning a product and going through the necessary steps to bring it to fruition. In a sense, it's like watching a child grow from conception to delivery. Even when interacting with the most difficult of clients, I'm fascinated by observing work styles and personalities and I enjoy pushing myself to work outside of comfort zone. During the last couple of years, I've been able to translate lessons learned in the work place to successes in my personal life. Although my professional situation during that time was not working, there were too many tangible positives that I loved about my career to walk away so effortlessly. I've worked extremely hard to get to where I am now and I think I'm in a unique situation to be a 24-year old woman. In that, I have also found accomplishment, pride and purpose and I'm not sure why it's been so hard for me to say that.

If you browse some old entries, it's clear that I've often wondered if I were picking money over happiness or if I were choosing the life that others wanted for me rather than that which I wanted for myself and for the first time, I knew that I wasn't. I was simply doing what I love doing although I don't always enjoying it. Even with this newfound confidence in my decision, it broke my heart to turn down the employment offer with the family and I still wondered if I would be perceived as a "sell out." I was talking to a friend who encouraged me to not only accept my decision, but to be proud of it. He said, "You are who you are and that's nothing to be ashamed of." Although simple, his words resonated with me. Indeed, I am who I am.

This being true of many things, as soon as you make the decision to follow your heart, situations have a way of working themselves out. Shortly thereafter, I was extended an offer from a large company here in Atlanta to be the manager of human resource communications in their corporate communication and external affairs department. One component of my job is to work extensively with our community affairs department, which oversees more than 500 charities - many of which focus solely only the betterment of the world for children. I think this will be an opportunity for many of my passions to come together and I'm optimistic that the results will be something amazing and fulfilling.

I may not be working directly with children daily, but I can use the gifts that I have been given to affect change in equally impacting ways. It's so important for young girls, especially African-American girls, to see young woman really trying to make a mark in corporate America and I will continue to reach out to those girls and hopefully impress upon them that life is nothing more than a series of choices.

I'm beginning to see that perhaps the real key to happiness is to stop viewing it as a finish line or expecting it to look like what I thought it would look like and to accept and appreciate it for what it is.

Valentine's Itch

2006-02-14T11:46:00.000-05:00

This is by far my favorite conversation of the day:

Me: Jenna...
JM: What Crystal, What? What do you want?
Me: Can someone be allergic to Valentine's Day?
JM: Um, sure.
Me: I thought so
JM: ...
Me: What?
JM...
Me: I'm itching!
JM: Sure that's not something else?

And really this is why I love my friends!

Happy Valentine's Day Mi Amigos!

Happy Fortune

2006-02-10T22:03:00.000-05:00

Tonight after having dinner with my mother, brother and niece, I did something that I usually don't do... I read my fortune in the cookie.

The small slip of paper read, The day you were born, a problem was solved.

Maybe it's the week. I've been having Maybe it's the PMS. Either way, I cried at the thought. From today, I will commit my life to make this prophecy true. If a person is born every minute and there are 1, 140 minutes per day that would be 416,100 problems solved per year. If this were indeed true, imagine where we'd be in our lifetime.

...it's a sweet thought... to me at least!

Talking to Boys

2006-01-31T16:30:00.000-05:00

So, I'm attempting to have a conversation with "boy" (who I can't name because his girlfriend forbids him to talk to me ever, in life, ever...) and explain why I have a "no dating" policy in effect until at least the last quarter of 2006.

CW: Terminal relationships are totally my thing, but I think every time you invest even a little bit of yourself into a relationship and it ends, a part of you is lost.
Boy: But you can't say you have a major problem until you're 30 and still doing the same thing.
CW: Well, I just want to make sure that when I "right" person comes that there's something left and that I'm not totally an ice princess.
Boy: Well you could always find your ice prince...
Boy:... and you both could live in cold-hearted bliss forever.

It's a Small World After All

2006-01-22T11:45:00.000-05:00

Last night, I had the absolute pleasure of having Kit and Desiree Carson over for dinner. To give a little background, I've known Desiree since I was in the 8th grade at Henderson and we continued as classmates through high school but I really didn't know her. When I became a Baha'i, someone asked me, where did I first learn of the Faith and I recanted the conversation I had on the school bus when I was in the 9th grade and Desiree in the 8th -- that was the first time I had been briefly exposed to the Faith an it's teachings and more than 10 years later, that conversation still resonated with me.

If I've learned anything, it's that there's two degrees of separation in the Baha'i Faith and not week later, I was put it touch with her via email. Every now and then, I cruise blogger for other Baha'is just to be exposed to new perspectives. Unbeknownst to me, I had been reading Desiree's husband, Kit's blog for a few months. It wasn't to a read some older post that I made the connection that he and Desiree were married.

Kit and Desiree were of tremendous help during my transition to Atlanta and in helping me get acclimated to a new community and since I was finally settled into my new home, furniture and all, I thought it would be a nice to idea to have them over for dinner.

The absolute hardest thing about my relocation has been leaving all of my friends in DC. Although I lived alone for my last year and a half there, my house was always bustling with activity - having friends over for dinner, watching movies, playing Taboo and best of all, great conversations/debates that would last until the wee hours of the morning and lay a real foundation for your own paradigm shifts.

My conversation with Kit and Desiree was the best that I've had in recent memory. It was so great to talk on a range of topics from career to goals to relationships with God and how it relates to relationships with others to love to marriage. Really amazing. Kit and Desiree have the most amazing meeting/marriage story ever... and it's told with so much animation and passion. It's absolutely hilarious and at the close of it, I actually felt hopeful. It was so interesting to hear her talk of the place she was prior to meeting Kit, because it's a one-to-one mirror of the impasse that I'm at now. To see how someone came out on the other side of this juncture and to be reminded that it's all a choice... Wow! Definitely hopeful...

For weeks, I have been struggling with making my space feel like home. Even though the furniture is the same, the set up is similar, I just couldn't get this to feel like my home and at the close of the evening with great company, I finally felt that familiar warmness in my home and I'm so excited to have met two new friends.

Placidity

2006-01-10T14:05:00.000-05:00

Dare I say things are getting better here in Atlanta? After 36 days of anticipation my furniture arrived about 10:00 p.m. on Thurs. Jan 5... but of course not without issue.

Well, let me back up. My furniture was supposed to arrive on Jan. 3 and I waited an entire day in an empty apartment for my movers to arrive, which never happened. After this, Mommy, Esq. was on the case. She called Global Vanlines demanded to speak to someone about how horribly her precious, patient wonderful (this is my story, let me tell it how I want) daughter had been treated. When the complaints department asked for the job number and she gave them my five digit code, they told her that the number was invalid. After 5 minutes of back and forth, the customer service rep. had an epiphany and forwarded my Mom to the legal department. To make a long story short, the Global Vanlines I used was NOT the reputable Global Vanlines that I thought I was using, rather a much smaller, shadier operation out of Florida. She also went on to inform Mommy, Esq. that they were involved in a multi-million dollar lawsuit with the faux Global Vanlines.

Thinking I would become a lifetime movie, "She Never Saw Her Furniture Again: The Crystal Webb Story," I called the faux company and share with them my newfound information and what do you know, my furniture was en route.

When my furniture arrived, it was dinged, scratched, dented, taped and some was missing,. Nevertheless, I was happy to see the familiar and even more excited to settle into my own space because I was starting to feel pretty homeless.

I unpacked feverishly for two days to keep my promise of hosting my niece, Taylor's, 10th Birthday slumber party at my house. Her party started at the skating rink, moved to CiCi's Pizza and ended at my house with a night of scary movies, dancing and loads of giggling. And while I enjoyed every minute of it, I was absolutely exhausted by the time I dropped them all off on Sunday. Yep, I think I've bought myself at least another year on my desire to have a child. I think I'm up to 33-years old or somthing.

Between having my furniture, having a wonderful weekend and a couple of promising days at work, things are looking up. After weeks and weeks of doubting my decision to return home, I'm feeling like this might actually work out after all.

Good News!

2005-12-27T10:11:00.001-05:00

Email from Senior Vice President/Partner --

Colleagues,

As a result of the recent metro DC based assessment meetings, I am pleased to announce the following individuals have been promoted. We thank them for their hard work and dedication and wish them continued success in the future. Colleagues in our geographic offices who get promoted will be announced after the completion of all the geographic assessments.

Please join me in congratulating our newly promoted colleagues:

Promotions to Senior Consultant
Patrick Bolger
Brian Chen
Nicole Crane
Nathan Dean
Kyle Evans
Joseph Feaga
Craig Felt
Jill Kerby
Hillary Lerner
Teresa Newberry
Joseph Patton
Alison Rose
Katarzyna Siedlecki
Crystal Webb --> THAT'S ME!

The Man In the News

2005-12-19T14:41:00.000-05:00

I read tragic articles about faceless people all the time:

A man who was pinned between two tractor-trailers Thursday night died two hours later from his injuries. Howard Mitchell, 55, of Clayton, Ala., was talking to another truck driver just before 5 p.m. at Wilco Truck Stop when an unattended truck began rolling and struck him.

"He fell to the passenger's side of the truck," said N.C. Highway Patrol Trooper Rich Willis. Assistant Fire Chief David Deal, who assisted emergency medical workers on the scene, said Mitchell had severe injuries to the right side of his body.

Mitchell, who was a truck driver with Odom Trucking in Alabama, was pumping gas when he stopped to talk with another truck driver about the weather and traveling conditions, Willis said. He was stabilized at the scene by emergency personnel and was then taken to Rowan Regional Medical Center, where he died.

The investigation is still pending and no charges have been filed. Investigators are also trying to determine how the unattended truck, leased by Toll Brothers Inc., of Virginia, rolled into Mitchell.

And every now and then, those names in the headline hit close to home - the man named in this tragedy was my favoritest uncle, Howard Mitchell. Uncle Howard was a loving husband, father, brother, son, uncle and co-worker. He had a heart that allowed him to give unconditionally and a boisterous laughter that would fill a stadium.... and now he's not here. Yes, it's definitely a void my family and those that loved him will feel for years to come.

Also let this serve as a reminder that tomorrow is not promised to any of us and the importance of living in the moment and letting those around us know how much we truly love them.

My Uncle, Howard Mitchell

Finding My Rhythm

2005-12-07T08:00:00.000-05:00

Well, I've finally settled into life in Atlanta... well settled may be a stretch of the truth but I'm here. Moving was a little bit more difficult (and expensive) than I had anticipated so I didn't arrive until Sunday and had very little time to prepare for work on Monday.

It's very weird to be back home and having my Mom wash my clothes, having dinner ready when I get home and having her come wake me up every morning rather than using my spiffy alarm clock. I woke up this morning and for a second, I felt like I had never left. Like my years in DC only existed in my overactive imagination.

Other than missing my friends and my space, things are well. I really love my new project at the CDC. The work is interesting and more important, it feels like what I'm working on makes a difference - like some how peoples lives will ultimately be made better by the work I'm doing today. Even though I'm still with the company, I'm having to adjust to being the new girl again. Thank God a friend of mine from the VA office is here and that my Mom and old co-workers are across the street! The culture here is very different from what I'm used to and although the South is known for being a little more hospitable than the north, that has not been my experience yet.

I finally have a new place! WOO HOO! I'm so excited to be living in-town and not having to drive an hour to and from work, which is the case while I'm staying with my parents. The place I found is really nice and spacious. It's 400 more square feet than my place in VA and $400 less per month! I could've died when she told me it was $739/mo... I paid more than that when I two roommates when I first moved to Virginia!! I'm planning on moving in on December 22 and unpacking over the holidays.

Well, there's no shortage of work around here so let me get to it!

Happy Black Friday!

2005-11-25T23:43:00.000-05:00

Happy belated Thanksgiving and now, Black Friday, mi amigos. Never one to participate in the holiday shopping rush, I think I'm officially a believer!

Yesterday was only the second Thanksgiving I've spent away from my family (the first was while studying abroad in London). I had the pleasure of spending the holiday with my good friend/make shift older, wiser fabulous sister (literally, she's an AKA too!), Brandy. Brandy's family, including her husband and adorable son, are already entertaining but the fun was only augmented by meeting her extended family. I thought the highlight of the day would be our delicious dinner that including my first ever cajun, fried turkey but the real fun didn't start until all the plates were cleared.

I can't be certain how the conversation started, but we got into this deep, expansive conversation on race relations in America. While one might thing that six, educated, African-Americans would have similarities in their views on race relations, the like-mindedness was non-existent, which always makes for lots of fireworks. What was most amazing was our drastically differing views of the solution. My thoughts were that real change starts in the home, with the family unit and definitely with children. Others thought that Congress would need to impose legislation before we saw a change and some thought the situation was hopeless and not worth spending much effort on. Things got a little contentious when the Howard University alum accused me of "selling out" and "assimilating" because I chose to attend a "white school." But all in all, the convrsation was just fascinating. By the time our tongues exhausted, it was 3:00 a.m.!

I got home a 4:00 a.m. and couldn't fall asleep so I chose to participate in the shoppers high holy day, Black Friday. I arrived at Macy's at 4:40 a.m. and got a glimpse of the intensity the true shoppers shop with. The mother/daughter team was devising their divide & conquer technique; another couple mapped out their day to the second, even allotting traveling and parking time. I found myself laughing aloud several times! I must say, I've always thought Black Friday to be a bit of a urban legend. I mean really... are the prices that low? Do they even have the items advertised in the circular in stock? Would I have to engage in hand-to-hand combat to snag some of the hot sales item?...

I'm pleased to report, all was placid in Retail Land. From Macy's I scored not one, but two, Jones New York suits valued at $525 for way less than half of that. However, the real core shaker of my urban legend belief was Target. I arrived at Target a 5:50 and expected to see Mom's brawling in the aisles over the latest Wiggles video, but there were no such sights. I scored a home theater system and 6 megapixel, Kodak digital camera for less than $200. Even better, I was able to get a head start on Christmas gifts for my niece. The memories of Christmas Eve 2003 (where I got into a banter weight shouting match with a man of Middle Eastern descent over a Bratz doll) were fresh in mind. Not wanting to catch an assault & battery case so close to the holidays, I went ahead and purchased the "hot" items that are sure to be off the shelves by December 1.

After unwinding from the excitement of my finds, I finally laid head to pillow at 8:00 a.m. and woke up with every intention on packing at least two rooms... Do you really need to ask? ;-)

Adventures in Paradise

2005-11-21T11:15:00.000-05:00

I'm finally back into my reality. My mother turned 50 years old on November 10th so I surprised her with a cruise. I told her about it on November 10 and we were slated to leave November 12. While that seemed like a good idea at the time, there was no shortage of drama in getting us there. She was missing some needed documentation to board the cruise ship and because November 11 was Veterans's Day, the offices she needed to contact were all closed.

After sweating for a day (or two), everything worked out. We headed to Miami where I got to spend time with my best friend Melanie, who I don't get to see too often. After spending Saturday in Miami we boarded Royal Caribbean's, Explorer of the Seas. Oh my gosh... opulence like you would not believe! My travel agent did few things right in helping me plan this trip but she did not steer me wrong with that bit of advice. I'm telling you, if I could, I'd do a Royal Caribbean commercial.

Our ports of call were San Juan, St. Maarten, St. Thomas and Nassau Bahamas and I can't even tell you how beautiful the weather is in that part of the world. If you see me, you'll know just how sunny it was! I'm definitely not able to wear my Mary Kay bronze 500 foundation anymore! The hospitality shown my the locals was heartwarming and the genuine love for their homeland inspiring. In St. Thomas, we had a local give us a tour that took us out of the tourism district and into the heart of the island. The love for his island was palpable and it made me wonder if I could ever love my country that much. I mean really... some of you have taken my "Tour de DC"... I just don't get the warm fuzzies when showing friends and family my nation's capital!

I must admit part of my overwhelmingly positive Virgin Island experience was made by the outrageous deals on jewlery and the native's adoration of women! I have never felt so beautiful in all of my life and their comments were not at all Atlanta/DC club sceneish, rather it seemed very genuine and done with lots of respect. I'm telling you... I love my curves today more than I did at this time last week! I even left with 1.5 carat diamond and sapphire ring and a drink named after me. I'm not sure of it's exacts, but I'm certain it had bananas in it! Whatever it was, it was awesome!

When not at port, my time was spent on the fabulous Explorer of the Seas and let me tell you, I teared up a little when it was time to leave. I definitely got a taste of another life. There were literally people waiting on you to do everything, including bring champagne and chocolate covered strawberries on a whim, folding your towels into the cutest animal shapes and turning your bed back with a chocolate on the pillow each evening! Not used to such treatment, I feel asleep on my chocolate almost every night and woke up with melted chocalate in my hair, on my pajamas and in my bed!

Although the royal treatment was great, what impressed me the most about the island natives and the staff of Royal Caribbean International (which represented over 50 countries) was the genuine joy they all had for their station in life and too their desire to share this joy. I can't remember a time where I was ever surrounded by so much unfeigned happiness. Whether a stateroom attendant, bartender or activities director, they seemed to enjoy every moment of their day and that's really not something I can relate to. I had to wonder whether it was an American culture thing or a Crystal thing...

Most importantly, I think my mother truly enjoyed her birthday celebration. I can't think of anyone more deserving of a 10-day birthday celebration than my mother. While I was planning this trip, I contacted her boss about taking the week off. She commented, "of course" and noted that my mother is very quick to give to everyone, while asking nothing in return. I have to be honest, there were some tense moments towards the end because of the perpetual togetherness but overall it was an amazing time. I often gripe about feeling like Kizzy from "Roots" at work, but it feels great to be able to something like this and treat my amazing Mommy to an amazing birthday celebration. I truly feel blessed to be able to finally do something really nice for my Mom. Although she never complained about the popsicle stick placements I made for her when I was 5 years old!

Now the ickiness of packing begins and I start my work at CDC in just two weeks! When the bustle of moving gets to be a lot, I'll just admire my tan, fine tune my salsa moves and drink something refreshing and delicious... my very own version of The Crystal.

Pictures to come... :-)

Why Georgia?

2005-11-07T22:45:00.000-05:00

As my time in Washington DC whittles down to hours, I am far more overwhelmed with emotions than I expected. I've put on my brave face and big smile for all my friends and well wishers, but truth is, I am experiencing an anxiety that keeps me awake at night. I'm not sure what happened to that audacious girl who stormed into her managers office and demanded a transfer (well actually, I didn't storm or demand but those words go well with audacious). For the life of me, I can't remember what drove me to my decision but I'm sure it was one of my many impetuous, short sighted moments that I often live to regret...

I know it's not all bad -- I have my family and a really great new project at work, but is that enough? When I moved here in November 2003, I remember I would bawl my eyes out longing for home. No friends. No family. No knowledge of how to drive in snow. I remember feeling like Dorothy in Oz many, many nights.

I thought I would never find one friend here who really understood me and on Friday at my farewell dinner, I said good-bye to about 20 true friends that I love dearly. My friends and children here have bought so much joy and balance to my life. I used to think that it was all about working and promotions and raises and clients and my friends here have shown the importance of the fun stuff. Sounds like an easy lesson, but it's one that took me a while.

...and I'm crying again, so I'm going to just stop.

I'm sure it will be fine in the end and that this move is apart of a greater plan for my life. For now, I want to try to focus on the positives and thank God for all of my many blessings that came in the form of truly amazing friends.

Finally Official!

2005-10-19T13:21:00.000-05:00

I finally have a start date in Atlanta! I will begin my new position on Monday, November 28th and my last day here at the Virginia office will be Thursday, November 10. While I'm excited to go home, I'm even more sad about leaving. I think I've had more fun the last month here than I've had my entire two years here. I'm going to miss my kids (definitely) and a boat load of friends and co-workers. I keep telling myself, this isn't permanent. I'm no stranger to packing up and leaving so if Atlanta isn't treating me well, I'll be back before you can say "MOJITO."

...now all the craziness begins!

Chemistry vs. History

2005-10-16T10:08:00.000-05:00

Chemistry is the science of matter and its interactions with energy and itself. Because of the diversity of matter, which is mostly in the form of atoms, chemists often study how atoms interact to form molecules and how molecules interact with each other. It's also a colloquialism for how people relate to each other.

The term history comes from the Greek "ιστορία" historia, "an account of one's inquiries" or continuum of events occurring in succession leading from the past to the present and even into the future, which would lead one to believe that past and past interactions can be an astute indicator of things to be.

And then I started thinking about relationships...

When you're in a relationship, what's more important chemistry or history? Even more important, what happens when they're derived from separate sources? Chemical reactions happen all around us: when we light a match, start a car, eat dinner or walk the dog. A chemical reaction is the pathway by which two substances bond together. In relationships, this chemical reaction manifests itself it many forms both negatives and positives. The "zsa zsa zsu" (the unsmart term for "chemistry" as heard on “Sex and the City”) can turn friends into lovers and conversely lovers into enemies... make the ordinary extraordinary and the fabulous and the remarkable, routine.

Enter the reigning champion: History.

It would be imprudent to underestimate the contentment and necessity of complacency brought only by time and tried & true methods… Oooh the joys of not having to conceal quirks, obsess over a misplaced strand of hair or apply lip gloss immediately upon waking up. There something so endearing about a well-hugged teddy bear or jeans that conform to you derrière or a shoe that no one else can wear quite like you. And while reliability and safety are usually thought to be positive attributes of minivan, in a relationship they’re necessary.

Is it possible to maintain the spontaneity and freshness of a relationship and still find that necessary contentment? And if not, which is more important? Anyone who knows me knows I’m not a “relationship person” (if there should be such a thing). I’m feisty, impetuous, perfectionist, independent and have recently been described as “emotionally cold”… not the traits of a relationship person. But the question remains, what do you do when the zsa zsa zsu (from quite possibly the absolute wrong person) begins to thaw out your heart and opens your mind to a new and scary possibility?

Reaffirmation of Humanity

2005-10-04T20:50:00.000-05:00

I'm always looking for that thing to make me believe that all is not lost in the world; something to make me want to bring life into this world... these confirmations come in the smallest of deeds - a young man giving up his seat on the Metro to an elderly woman; a driver yielding so that I can merge on I-66 and today, someone find my debit card, calling the 800 number on the back to block it and then bringing it to the Fairfax County Police Department.

Every liquid asset I have in this world (checking and savings account) were linked to that card, not to mention I get paid once a month and pay day was three days ago!

As I frantically called Bank of America, I imagined someone on a shopping spree, or even worse, filling up their gas tank with my hard earned pennies and began to cry. Once the Bank of America Associate came on the phone, and after several long pauses informed me that my card had been found, blocked and turned into the police, I found myself crying again.

It's really not so bad, eh?

The "UGHHH" Heard Around the World

2005-10-04T02:49:00.000-05:00

It's been a while since I've blogged... not since I've entered my mid-20's to be exact! So far, so good -- I feel older, wiser, more mature, blah blah blah. Actually, I've found myself not-so-eager to share my age. I used to spew my age of 23 like it was a badge of honor. For whatever reason, that sense of personal and professional accomplishment that I had at 23-years-old has dissipated. I used to feel like I was pretty far ahead of the early 20's curve and with the change of a day, I feel mediocre, at best. Did I peaked at 21? Damn.

Other than feel subpar in certain areas of life, the lore of the last few weeks has been my impending move to Atlanta. A few weeks ago my company stopped just shy of packing my bags for me. Found a project in Atlanta. Gave me a target date [Oct. 11]. Never mentioned it again? Whatever.

If you can't tell; I'm not big on words lately. In fact, I've only been interested in watching "Sex and the City." I bought myself the complete series for my birthday and I can't seem to turn them off. There's got to be a support group for this kind of thing. It's so bad that I'm going to Manhattan just to take the 3-hr Sex and the City tour. Am I living vicariously through Carrie, Charlotte, Samantha and Miranda? I sure as hell hope not because they aren't real.

What else? Oh, the crush (since that's the only thing people ask me about these day) As of late, this crush has soared to unchartered heights of absurdity and everybody knows but him. Now I have a tangible foundation for this attraction. On top of being adorable, he has an actual personality - I didn't always think that was the case. After a few great conversations, I've concluded that there has to be something wrong with him and/or he has a girlfriend so...

Wow. Can't believe there's nothing else to blog about...

Go Redskins?

Happy Birthday To Me!

2005-09-17T01:03:00.000-05:00

So, I'm officially 24... WOW!! AARP and discount McDonald's coffee here I come!

I'm so lucky to have really close friends who share this wonder birthday with me. Also born September 17, 1981? The Crazy Candace Lawson and The Fabulous Sara Corbett!

Be sure to join Sara and I for our joint birthday adventure at Penang's in Dupont Circle and then a night of fun and dancing!

Love, Life and Purpose to Virgos everywhere!

Introducing Nuri...

2005-09-11T23:38:00.000-05:00

Meet Nuri Songer Johnson -- the beautiful little boy I've been gushing about since his birth not quite a month ago! He's the adorable son of my dear friends Bernard and Kate and I'm so excited to be able to share in this amazing time with them! I got to meet Nuri for the first time yesterday and let me tell you, it was love at first site!

I want one for Christmas!

2005-09-11T23:28:00.000-05:00

Isn't he the most pefect thing ever!

One Happy Soul!

2005-09-11T22:33:00.000-05:00

With all the sadness going on in the world right now and the commemorative ceremonies, especially in Washington DC, of the Sept 11 terrorist attacks, I've been in need of real pick-me-up and boy did this weekend do that trick!

I spent the day (and night) taking care of a three-year old and a 10-month old. We had so much fun at the playground, indulging in creative play, singing, etc. What was not so much fun was awaking every half hour throughout the night to a baby screaming "BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINKY" each time his pacifier fell out of his mouth. At 4:00 a.m. I remember thinking, If he can't say binky, why can't he just put it his mouth?... Although the night hours were somewhat challenging, there a moment of comic relief. In light of his brother wailing, Giovanni woke out of dead sleep to say, "You wock, Kwisto!" and went right back to sleep.

I had my final binky run at 6:00ish so I was a little nervous about being alert and awake for teacher orientation for the One World Baha'i School at 10:00 a.m. But orientation was positively fabulous!! Understanding the importance of providing children spiritual education, I was feeling a bit unqualified and unsure of myself. I shared my concern with a friend and her response was, "Crystal... They're four, chill out." But, I tried to impress upon her these children will presumably have been raised with Baha'i principles for four years; I haven't reached four months yet. This apprehension was only exacerbated by the fact that I have the largest classroom with 20 pre-registered children... and there are still two more weeks to register!

I was so inspired by the thought, loving-kindness and passion these people put into the spiritual education of children and I can't wait to learn from the teachers and children as well as contributed whatever talents I have. After orientation I thought, I don't know if any school I've attended was run with equal love, organization and resources. There are administrators, counselors, musicians, art specialist... so many people volunteering their time and talent for no other reason than their commitment to the importance of developing child-centered communities. I was able to meet a couple of my children today and if they are any indication of the rest of my students, this is going to be even more amazing and challenging (in a positive way) than I thought.

Even better, tonight I met Nuri, the two-week old son of my friends Kate and Bernard. Can I tell you that I held God's love in my arms tonight? Nuri is absolute and utter pefection -- just looking at his peace and contentment made my heart flutter and for a second, I got a glimpse of what building this world could be. Perfect.

I met Kate and Bernard in my Core Curriculum Training class and my friendship with them was instant and almost kismet! Since meeting Kate, she and I have become close and I'm so excited to share in this time of excitement and transition. Nuri is so blessed to be born into such a loving and gentle family. I can't wait to watch him learn and grow and to spoil him rotten!

Chef Crystal... Not So Much!

2005-09-08T22:59:00.000-05:00

For the past couple of days I've been under the weather -- sore throat, wicked cough and an ear infection to be precise. I've been taking extra meds and resting up because tonight I was hosting Feast (Feast of 'Izzat) for the first time. My first Feast as a Baha'i was so incredibly memorable that I wanted to use my first time hosting Feast as a way to say thanks. This morning, I attempted to go to work but was sent home before 11:00 because of my seal-esque bark. I was hoping to use all the extra time to prepare an actual feast. I dusted off my cookbook (literally), pulled out all of my kitchen equipment still in its original box and picked the most fabulous thing I could find that would feed 20! I had decided on stuffed salmon, garlic lime chicken, roasted rosemary red potatoes and steamed green beans and carrots. Not bad for someone who hasn't cooked since inviting my Ruhi group over for lunch and movie... in June. Honestly.

After I got home at 11:15, I decided a couple of swigs of NyQuil would do the trick. Right? Wrong. What it did do was put me in a coma-like sleep... until 5:45 and Feast was starting at 7:00. Seriously, I thought I'd go into coronary failure. I kept staring at the alarm clock, that I didn't set, hoping I was still dreaming. After shedding a tear or two, I did the only thing I could do - prepare a salad, make a semi-cheesecake, pop in a Mrs. Smith Apple Pie and let Pizza Hut do the rest of the work. I can't even articulate how horrible I felt about not being able to prepare a homemade meal for my dear friends.

Everyone started to arrive around 7:15 and I apologized to the first few guests for being a horrible hostess. Then I realized, no one cared! In fact, everyone seemed to enjoy the pizza and salad. After my reality check, I started to breathe a little easier and as always, enjoyed the company of my wonderful Arlington Baha'i community. Between being sick and being sick to my stomach about what's going on in New Orleans, I've just kind of glum for the past few days. I was totally amazed at how just being amidst my Friends breathed new life into me. You can't tell me that positive energy and big hugs aren't instruments of healing! For those two and a half hours, my cough wasn't so wicked; my throat didn't burn so much and I could hear out of my left ear.

I was extremely sad to announce to my community that I would be leaving in a few months because they really are just an amazing, amazing group. Because of their openness, willingness to teach and patience to answer the 1,000,001 questions that I had as a seeker, my life will never be the same. I will leave this community a better person , with a renewed sense of purpose and I have them to thank for that. Yep, definitely going to miss each and every one of them.

I plan to work from home and take it easy tomorrow because I have a marathon weekend ahead of me. Saturday morning, the early childhood educators for the 2005-2006 school year of the One World Baha'i School will be meeting to coordinate and fellowship. After that I will have my favoritiest two little boys in the whole world for the whole day! I haven't kept children overnight since my nannying days in undergrad but from what I hear, it's like riding a bike (which isn't the best reference for me as I have not mastered the art of riding a two-wheeler). Sunday we're having orientation for all the OWBS teachers and I'm really looking forward to that. School starts Sunday, September 18 and I'm co-teaching with Sara, my twin. Seriously, Sara and I have so much in common, it's scary! We have the same birthday, same year even (September 17, 1981... yes, we're planning a party!);. We have the same occupation, work for the same company, drive identical cars and have similar family structures... it's nuts! She wasn't going to teach this year but came out of retirement to help me with my first year and I'm so grateful to her for that. I had horrible visions of my pre-k kids staging a coup because they knew more about the Baha'i Faith than their green teacher. With Sara the Vet by my side, I'm feeling much more optimistic about this.

Well, I have a meeting with a cup of NyQuil and my comfy bed, which now has 1,000 thread count Sateen sheets thanks to overstock.com.

Good night kiddies!

Unanswered Questions

2005-09-04T10:49:00.000-05:00

I, like most of America, have been glued to the television and internet watching, with utter disbelief and anguish what is going on in New Orleans. Everytime I think of devastation and hopeless of the situation, I cry - like I am now.

I cry for the elderly whose eyes have seen so much, who has struggled through the civil rights movement, who worked so hard with so little to show -- for their lives to end on a lawn chair in the squalor of the New Orleans Super Dome just doesn't make sense to me.

I cry for the mothers - not just for those who don't know where their children are but for the ones holding a child in their arms that they can neither feed, cloth, nor house.

I cry because for as long as a live and regardless of the academic degrees and accolades I attain, I will never understand the concept of the have and the have nots. I can't seem to wrap my mind around the notion that that's "just the way it is." Life for some, myself included, is void of any real struggle. Sure I've had my share of disappointments and heartaches but I've never had to wonder where I was going to call home. I've never had to wonder how I was going to feed or clothe myself. I've never had to become intimate with the concept of nothing. And yet for some, life has been one agonizing lesson of deficiency and lack. Of all the hurricanes to hit Florida, why couldn't this happen to the millionaires who would've only lost summer abodes and beach houses? Why can the camera take the pictures of those waiting to be rescued but can't get to them? Once the questions start, there's seemingly no end.

A modern metropolis sinking in water and into anarchy -- it is a really cruel spectacle for a champion of security like Bush. Right? I'm not sure why there is so much criticism of Dubya and his response. What did people expect for a man that stole the whitehouse by disenfranchising minority voters in some states? What did we expect from a man who won't acknowledge that we're fighting a war that has no enemy and no barometer for success? Bush is completely unworthy of my blogging time so I'm done with that.

What has sustained my spirit has been the response of the common folk; our understanding that even the smallest deeds make a difference. On Friday, my small team of some 100 people shipped over 40 huge boxes of relief items to our team member in Louisiana for distribution. Some of the items donated were brand new clothing still with tags. People had actually gone shopping for toiletries and underclothing. Totally unexpecting this outpouring of generosity, we were more than worried that we wouldn't be able to afford to ship it all. These boxes were 50+ pound computer boxes; they could have easily been thousands of dollars to ship. We shared our concern with someone working in the mailroom and he shipped each and every box, overnight and free of charge.... these are the act of kindness that have encouraged my soul and made me want to do more.

Although everyone is not in a position to give materially or take in an evacuee, we can all pray. Pray for understanding. Pray for unity. Pray for a resolution. Pray that those who can do, will do. Pray that for as long as we live and as long as I children live, we will never know the suffering those in the Gulf States are feeling today.

23 Going On 13

2005-08-27T01:31:00.000-05:00

Sooo, about this crush I referenced a couple of posts ago (10 Things That Make For A fabulous Week)... I still have it! Definitely. :-) I've gotten so many phone calls about this "crush" that I figured no one really cared about the nine other great thing, huh? I had to do the mandatory Googling of him and you know, he writes... and it was pretty entertaining. Dangerous, I tell you! The irony is for the longest I thought this guy was totally void of a personality and rigid, but every now and then he shows glimpses of this thing that's really cute. Other than that, the attraction is nothing tangible... really quite random

The only issue is I feel utterly 13 around him (so not like me) and although we have a good rapport, there's just no way of really knowing. He gives me butterflies and I always have to do the 5 minute hair/make up check before I might run into him - pretty silly and completely out of character but very amusing all the same!

Of course this has the foremost component of a really great crush - it will never happen, for lots and lots and lots of reasons including, I'll never tell! :-) The harmless, impenetrable nature of it makes it all the more fun!

Enough.

I' m really looking forward to this weekend! I have a bachelorette party on Saturday and my favoritest Mary is coming to town for a catch up day! I just love sitting and talking with her because I feel like she's one of the few people in this world that truly understands me. She's one of those people that I can talk to and get truly objective answers. For me, the hallmark of a good friend is that you can have absolutely no plans and yet have a fun and fabulous time.

Well kiddies, I have an appointment with "Confessions of Video Vixen"... I know, not-so-smart reading but hey, I cancelled my subscription to US Weekly! How else will I get my fill of celebrity trash and gossip?

Veni Vidi Vici

2005-08-21T21:12:00.000-05:00

Someone once said, "Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death." While I'm sure he was referencing states of mind and being, I get this feeling about staying in the same geographical state and sooooo... I'm moving.

Over the years, my friends have give me the monikers of nomad, wanderer and a vagabond, but I really enjoy going from place to place and undertaking new challenges. For me change is synonymous with growth and progress. When I start to feel too comfortable, I feel stagnate. When I came to DC, I had three goals: to become completely self-sufficient in a foreign place, professional growth and to place myself competitively in the job market and to go to graduate school. Folks, I'm am pleased to say... MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

For a while now, I've been feeling the itch to set sail on my next adventure. After much praying and soul searching, I have made the decision to return to Atlanta. It was actually a hard decision because I didn't want to feel like I was retreating home and returning to the familar. But after I committed myself to following my heart, God had His way of letting me know that was indeed the right decision.

My company gave me a full transfer... with the same salary! That's amazing considering the vast difference in cost of living from Washington DC to Atlanta. Too, I'm just ready to slow down a bit. Although I'll be working for the same company, the work culture in Atlanta is very different from that in DC. I feel confident about the fact that 60-hour work weeks will not be norm. The cost of living here is so high that I often don't feel like I'm enjoying my time and money -- I just feel like a cat chasing her tail and I'm ready to take a much needed "strategic pause."

At 23 years old, I've got several years of working ahead of me and I feel like I'm getting burned out already. Too, it's important for me to spend less time working and more time working with children, volunteering and being with my family. Not to mention that this gives me a chance to explore a new Baha'i community and I've heard the Baha'i community in Atlanta is just dynamic!

Will I be in Atlanta forever? Of course not! But for right now, this is the best decision for me and I'm looking forward to having the opportunity to breathe, play and grow. If I've learned one thing here, it's that success is not measured in terms of material possession, wealth or professional accomplishments but in quality of life, love, purposefulness and happiness.

Eight is Enough

2005-08-14T22:31:00.000-05:00

Did my Mom miss the boat by not having seven other children? I ask because I just spent the weekend in Pennsylvania with one of my closest friends from college and her wonderfully enormous family. Amanda lives in Lebanon, PA, which is in interesting place in and of itself. There is a huge Amish and Mininite presence there which means there's horse and buggy parking at Wal-Mart! Quite the dichotomy! More than that, all the families there are just HUGE. I went with Amanda to the doctors and there was a lady there with five children, with the eldest child being 5-years-old. Families of that size seemed to be the exception rather than the norm in Lebanon.

Amanda's upbringing is a huge contrast to mine. Although I am one of three children, we're all far apart in age with my sister being 8 years older and my brother 8 years younger. This age gap made for a lot of loneliness and self-entertaining growing up. Too, between living alone and spending most of my time working, I've gotten pretty used to rolling solo. As to not make this a sob story, I enjoy and to a great extent, need my alone time -- probably more than most. I just never realized at how much I missed on by not having a large, close-knit immediate family. While with Amanda's family, there was always something comedic going on; someone telling a joke, someone singing an old-school song or some serious debate going on.... all of this a major detour from my work-oriented DC life. I was in PA from Wednesday to Sunday and I didn't check my email once!... anyone who knows me know that that is BIG BIG BIG! Obviously I'm completely aware that work and the pursuit of professional excellence dominates my life, but I don't think I realized all the good stuff that I miss out on in that pursuit...

At the close of the weekend, I think the Davis' made me an honorary member of their family and I definitely have a sincere love for them. But, I must say, I'm a bit more tired today than I was when I left for Pennsylvania last Wednesday! As much as I enjoyed their boisterous company, it's good to return to the peace and quiet of home. And while I would never have eight children (or five or four for that matter) it does seem like a good idea to have two or three children close together so they can have the comfort and fun of each other.

Top 10 Events That Make For A Fabulous Week

2005-07-22T15:55:00.000-05:00

As I sit here completely refusing to do any of the outstanding items on my "to do" list and waiting for 5:00, I noticed something about my week... it was pretty damn fabulous! I wasn't optimistic given recent events but God granted me a truly great week filled with silliness and friends. What makes for a fabulous week you ask?

Top 10 Events that Make For A Fabulous Week:

When you lose 13 pounds in about two and a half weeks!
You see "Cedric the Entertainer" live... and equally as amusing, you see Hennessey, on tap, at DAR Constitution Hall --> a place that was once so upscale that they refused to allow Marian Anderson perform back in the day.
An irate African-American lady hands your client his testicles in a meeting and then further insults him by flailing her arms and yelling, "Merry Christmas" at the close of her rant!
When you finally, finally understand that you can't move successfully into your future if your past is still present!
The Lakeside Homeowner's Newsletter -- oh my, my! Can't explain it, just something you have to experience for yourself.
When you understand that God sometimes has to yell at you and turn things upside down to get your attention. With work, e-mails, cell phones, instant messenger, sometimes you're just too occupied to really listen... For hard headed children like me, God has an alternative "shock therapy." Although I can appreciate it, I'll definitely listen more closely in the future with the hopes of avoiding such shocking disruptions!
When you realize that you're not too jaded, cynical or old to have a bonified third-grade, school girl crush... I'm just so amused by the whole thing! Really, I am. ;-)
When you experience the utter outrageousness of the "Minority Information Sharing All Hands!" ... you sooo had to be there!
When your heart is free... everything just clicks! You get it, thank God, create a "lessons learned" in your heart and keep moving - all the while looking cute!
The absolute highlight: having your manager debrief you on the positively fabulous highlights of your 6-month assessment; telling you that you're promotion bound and giving you the snippets of the feedback they collected from ten clients, peers and mangers that included:

Crystal fully exemplifies the firm's core business values and received high marks from both her clients and colleagues for her professionalism, communications expertise, inter-personal skills, and positive attitude. Because of her strong work habits and ability to focus on the assigned tasks under a client management team that was at times conflicted, she gained the sincere trust and respect of her clients, managers, and peers.

...She quickly learned the IAIP framework, producing quality products that continually exceeded her client's expectations.... Crystal was placed in an impossible position with an individual client who was rude, disrespectful and entirely abusive but remained professional while apprising her colleagues of the situation. By staying focused, both Crystal & the firm were portrayed positively.

Crystal excels as an individual contributor and shows analytical skills well beyond her professional years. Although her contributions as an individual are strong, she can quickly adapt to a team environment and makes everyone feel valued. Crystal is dedicated, responsive and collaborative and contributes tireless effort to ensure tasks are completed at the highest quality and on-time. Her adherence to the firm's business and individual core values is a model for us all. Crystal's potential is boundless as you can be assured she's only going to get better with time and experience.

And what do you know, it's 5:16! Have a great weekend. :-)

Still Living...

2005-07-15T13:24:00.000-05:00

I know it seems as though I've fallen off the face of the earth but this week has been a pretty terrible. Nothing I want to delve too deep into, suffice it to say, lying to yourself is truly the worst thing that we can do to ourselves. I guess the thing that I'm fighting the most is the tendency to mistrust. I'm not going to let "this" color my outlook on life and effect my daily interactions. I've fought my own insecurities very hard to get to this place that I am now and I'm not going to let a single event or person take me back to a time where I was always second-guessing everyone's thoughts, actions, intentions, etc.

Sunday, I thought I was going to take my last breath. Monday, I kept telling myself you have to get through today and by God's grace each day has gotten better than the previous and I'm sure this will continue.

Enough of that. Really. Enough.

On a happy note, my 16-year old brother has been in town this week visiting to attend a leadership development training at my job. I really have the utmost respect for single parent's around the world. It's so hard to get up, get somebody else up, drop them off, get to work on time, make sure they're fed... that's so not my life. I never realized how much my life centers around me and I've taken for granted the luxury of just having to worry about myself on a day-to-day basis.

We went to Six Flags last weekend, which was great and tomorrow we're going to see Cedric the Entertainer live... very excited about that!

The Power of Music, The Power of Luther

2005-07-02T01:57:00.000-05:00

This is totally out of character of my blogs but I thought it was neccessary to cement in time, my feelings after the loss of Luther Vandross. Every now and then an artist plays the chords of your heart and becomes that soundtrack of your life and Lutha, as he was known in my house, was that for me.

I remember on Fridays always hearing,"Bad Boy/Having A Party" and I knew the weekend was coming. I remember singing "Never Too Much" on the way to school in the morning enroute to the Rutgers Chen Preschool. "Stop to Love" resonated through our house during joyous times and through trials and tribulations, songs like "A House is Not A Home" and "The Power of Love" got me through. I remember when I first fell in love, "So Amazing" was on repeat in my CD player for weeks and "Don't Want To Be a Fool " played as I soon (or not so soon) fell out of love. I also recall, "There's Nothing Better Than Love" inducing me to sleep on lonely nights. I feel sadness about the relationship I was never able to have with my father when I hear "Dance with My Father" and I still cry unexplicably every time I hear "Superstar/ Until You Come Back To Me."

I've always known I was a Luther fanatic and can sing every lyric of just about every song. What I didn't know is that I would immediately burst into tear at 6:13 p.m. at the news of his passing. I'm always amazed at the ability of music to unearth a taste, a smell, a thought, a prestine memory burried by daily bustle.

I was just telling a friend jokingly, Luther picked a great time to make his transition - Friday, after work hours, before a long weekend... I can only imagine how many African-Americans would've called in sick, at the risk of unemployment, to listen to albums, tapes and CDs to mourn and reminisce. Can you imagine what Luther's passing during the work week would've done to the national unemployment percentages?

In all the sadness, this one fact holds true and it is the same with any great artist from DaVinci to Tupac; Jane Austen to now Luther - the products of genius will far supercede their physical being. And through his music, Luther Vandross' legacy will live, perhaps until forever.

Emancipation Proclamation 2005

2005-07-01T17:40:00.000-05:00

By the President of the United States of America:

A Proclamation.

Whereas, on the first day of July, in the year of our Lord two thousand and five, a proclamation was issued by the President of the United States, containing, among other things, the following, to wit:

That on the first day of July, in the year of our Lord two thousand and five, all persons held as slaves within any Booz Allen War Room or designated proposal room, shall be then, thenceforward, and forever free

All of this to say! I'M DONE! The proposal is done. I'm done and I have a three-day weekend to celebrate it. Today, we finished up the proposal and it ready to go to orals on Tuesday. This week did not go off without a hitch... I got a wickedly violent stomach virus from the kids I baby-sat for this week. I started to feel ill about midnight on Wednesday and while I'm on the floor of my bathroom with green grossness spewing out of every orifice, all I could think of was my proposal! I was so delirious that I called my task lead at 4:00 a.m. and told her that I wasn't coming in and not to fire me? She said all she could so was laugh because she knew I wasn't in my right mind!... I think her initial impression was that I was under the spell of Brother Booze.

Anyway, my parents and brother came for the night -- they were passing through on the way to my stepfather's family reunion in New Jersey. Sometimes, I marvel at the dichotomy between my biological dad's family and my step dad's family. Case in point, if the Webb's were to have a family reunion, please believe we'd click my grandmother's and aunt's trailer together (with the drinking, cards, and weed in my aunt's trailer); have about 3-4 grills going in the front yard and enough kids to have a baseball game with enough participants for the infield, outfield, pitcher, batters, first-base coach, etc... and the Slaten's are having their family reunion at the Scotch Plains Country Club.

This weekend is going to be oh so mellow. I'm still feeling a little groggy from the dehydration and most of my friends, well all of my friends, are out of town this weekend. The Beane Family is going pioneering to Belize for the Baha'i Faith and I'm going to help them with their yard sale and watch their two beautiful little ones while they prepare to move out of the country! I've not known Heitha long, but in the time I've known her she has been a gem and an inspiration to me. Her selfless devotion to Baha'i Faith and its Cause is nothing short of amazing. Her family has a beauty and a love that radiates from them!

I hope one day that I will courageous and obedient enough to pioneer. Until then, I'll baby-sit everyone kids while they prepare to go! :-)

What Happens to A Dream Deferred?

2005-06-29T14:44:00.000-05:00

I was reviewing the comments on my blog, because I'm just inundated with them (utter sarcasm).... And I came across a sentimental exchange between my mother and sister (which by the way, is not approved use of my blog! - JADED CYNICISM ONLY) and then I got to thinking... I thought back to Langston Hughes' age old question, "What happens to a dream deferred?"

My mother seems to think that I am in pursuit of my dream, which confirms that I'm even better at faking it than I thought I was. Now I've bamboozled my mother... and my ex boyfriend! :-)

What is my dream? {obscenely long pause... still thinking.... 15 minutes has elapsed}

... I don't know. I have absolutely the faintest idea of what I want out of this life. I know my dream for the world, but can you tell you little about the life I envision for myself. I enjoy helping others, but I can hardly mold that into a resolute dream. But, i f I were living my dream in the present, I think I'd know. I'd taste it. Touch it. Feel it. Breathe it. I'm fairly certain I'm just existing, faking it -- and doing a pretty good job of it.

What feels like my dream? For a while I've known the thing that made me feel closest to God was being in the presence of children -- teaching them, allowing them to discover, kissing boos boos and fighting bedtime boogeymonsters. I am who I think God has called me to be when I'm with children... That's the only thing I know for sure.

So how did I end up at Homeland Security and now the Department of Defense doing "scary" communication? If you can answer that, you have far surpassed my ability to comprehend. (Please refer to my June 27th Corporate Share Cropping rant)

Somewhere in this life, I stopped pursuing my dream and started pursuing the dream that so many others, either knowingly or unknowingly, constructed for me. My dream box was sloppily constructed for me and I, bundled in fetal position, got in, made myself semi-comfortable and continue to dwell in blissful ignorance. I've become so enchanted with striving for the extraordinary that I've lost delight in the sweet simplicity of the ordinary.

I'm not complaining (well sort of, I am I guess). Before my 22nd birthday, I visited 15 countries, climbed the pyramids of Egypt (for $1), experienced the majestic history of Italy; sat at the feet of Maya Angelou in her home, absorbing her wisdom about life. I've shared a dinner table with the likes of George Bush (the daddy), the former Prime Minister of Israel Ehud Barak, Queen Noor of Jordan (King Hussien's widow), Archbishop Desmond Tutu, former Black Panther Bobby Seal, Cornel West and author and Holocaust survivor, Elie Wisel... and yet, it's not enough. While I can give you a play-by-play of all the "big things," I've forgotten most of my simple pleasures like swinging at the playground with my headphones on, digging my toys in the sand while trying to bury myself at the beach, riding the roller coasters at King's Dominion with my crazy college crew, playing spades after a holiday meal with my family. And ironically, those are the pleasures that have and will continue to sustain me through this life.

So where am I going with this? Again, I don't know. I just think that so often, it's easy to look at someone's polished exterior and seemingly seamless life and use it as a measuring stick for our own lives. We look at magazines, see beautiful people and begin to feel less-than. We look at someone else's material things and become ashamed of what we've worked so hard for. We examine someone's life choices and begin to second guess our own. When in truth, other's lives are nothing more than rainbows - so beautiful and desirable from a distance, but nothing more than optical illusion bought on my rain and storms. Day in and day out, chances are, they are just faking it too. To that I say, if you are going to second guess something, second guess your limits and go confidently in the direction of your dreams, by living the life you've imagined for yourself - not the life someone else has chosen or even the life someone else has chosen for you.

I can serve up the mantras but can't seem to commit them to my heart. For now, all I can do is work diligently at building my relationship with God and trust in his infallible plan for my life. Perhaps my dream is not off track, just a little deferred? While there are many questions in my head, this one thing I know for sure -- God can dream a bigger dream for you than you can ever dream for yourself.

Am I A Share Cropper?

2005-06-27T13:52:00.000-05:00

A practice that emerged following the emancipation of African-American slaves, sharecropping came to define the method of land lease that would eventually become a new form of slavery. Without land of their own, many blacks were drawn into schemes where they worked a portion of the land owned by whites for a share of the profit from the crops. They would get all the seeds, food, and equipment they needed from the company store, which allowed them to run a tab throughout the year and to settle up once the crops, usually cotton, were gathered. When accounting time came, the black farmer was always a few dollars short of what he owed the landowner, so he invariably began the new year with a deficit. As that deficit grew, he found it impossible to escape from his situation by legal means. The hard, back-breaking work led to stooped, physically destroyed, and mentally blighted black people who could seldom envision escape for themselves or their children; their lives were an endless round of poor diet, fickle weather, and the unbeatable figures at the company store. Those with courage to match their imaginations escaped under cover of darkness to the North, that fabled land of opportunity.

And then I began to think... am I a sharecropper? This deserved a closer analysis.

Share croppers spent all of their day cultivating and tending to land, that didn't belong to them with the hopes of being proud farm owner. I spend all of my day, working like a field hand, cultivating and tending to a company that made $2.5 billion dollars last year (and only has 13,000 employees) with the hopes of one day becoming one of the elite ones -- a $1,000,000+ partner. Share croppers, only got to keep a very miniscule portion of what they produced, while the land owners profited gluttonously from their tireless work. For the past few weeks, I have worked inexhaustible hours on a proposal for a $105 million dollar contract that I see less than 1% of... and then to add insult to injury, federal (and state) taxes defile me even further pushing me into the bowels of financial upheaval . And like the share croppers, I too always find myself a "few dollars short." As if that weren't debasement enough, I don't even own my mind at work! That's right! Yours truly signed over my mind and my company owns all of my work products and calls it "intellectual capital." I wonder if the sharecroppers got to retain their own farming methods...

Far too often I hear , "Crystal, you're only 23! You're much further along that I was at your age! Your hard work will pay off and you will have something to call your own!" But somewhere in my head I can hear land owners saying, "Big John, you were just a slave yesterday! You're much further along than your parents who got paid nothing for their labor! Your hard work will pay off and you too will have something to call your own..."

All of which makes me wonder, have we really progressed at all? Instead of working in fields, we work in air-conditioned, multi-tiered buildings. I was always taught that education was paramount in having a "better life." And yet, for about 10 hours a day, I don't even own the mind that I have yet to finish paying for! That's right, I signed my brain over to my company for the hours I work with them. Something called "intellectual capital."

I know progress is a slow process, but it would seem as though this new corporate share cropper is as sinister and inescapable as the share cropping my ancestors endured.

Backyardless State of NOVA

2005-06-22T10:25:00.000-05:00

How is it possible that out of all the people I know in VA/DC/MD, only one of them has a backyard with an actual grill? Wait... that's because the average house in NOVA sells for over $300,000. Even still, this poses all kinds of problems for the summer holiday season. For most of my life, the 4th of July has meant family, fireworks, and food - food prepared on a charcoal grill in the backyard!

I'm not sure why thoughts of backyardless friends have invaded my mind today, but I've been sitting here thinking about it for an hour! I should be enjoying the down time, after logging more than 70 hours of work last week but now I'm finding myself a little bored. Hence, the hour long obsession session about grills and backyards!

My sister was here this weekend and it was a nice change of scenery. Although, the 20 hours I worked on the proposal while she was here, may have detracted from the fun a bit. I tried to do it in the early morning hours while she was still asleep, as to leave the evenings open for non-work fun!

Well I'm on my way home to take a nap for lunch... yeah, I know... but it's been that kind of week for the kid! :-)

Proposal, Smosal

2005-06-17T13:16:00.000-05:00

I'm writing this from the "War Room" and I know that I should listening to the speaker telling us how absolutely critical it is that we win this proposal, but I'm actually a little sick of it! It's Friday, just after 2:00 p.m. and I have already worked 66 hours this week on our contract recompete proposal. I haven't gotten home any day before midnight this week and I'm just generally over it!

Although I've worked like a field hand this weekend, I am actually enjoying the work I'm doing. I'm in charged of the graphic design and layout of the 100-slide deck so this take me back to my magazine layout days. National security leaves little room for creativity, so I'm having a ball playing with color palettes, manipulating graphics and making things "sexy" as my manager says! This definitely makes me want to go back to my old job back in the day, but thinking about my old $36,000 salary makes me wonder how I ever survived in Northern VA back then! Ugh, for the love of money.... one day I'll break my worldy material attachment and do something that I love. I could write volumes about my irritation with myself for not being able to pursue my desired career because of fear of being a financial failure. Perhaps that's a blog for another day.

They just sent out the please-be-a-team-player-and-work-all-weekend call but my sister is flying in tonight so that will not be me! This is the first trip my sister, Kicha, has made to DC since I've been here so I'm so excited about welcoming her to my world. I got us tickets to go to the Big Tigger Celebrity Basketball game tomorrow and I know she's going to love it. Jay-Z, my sister's absolute and utter obsession is playing, so hopefully we won't end up in jail for her bumrushing security to get to him! I will have to work some this weekend but I'm not going to let it put a damper on things.

Well, let me focus on this proposal stuff... but it's really cool how everyone thinks I'm editing the deck or taking notes about way to improve it. Suuuuuuuuuuuckers!

Divine Purposefulness

2005-06-12T17:09:00.000-05:00

Oy! What a full weekend! This weekend I finished the remainder of my Core Curriculum Training and now I can officially teach Baha'i school. I cannot articulate how enriched and empowered I feel by this entire experience. At the close of the first two modules, through exploration of the Baha'i writings, I understood the station of teachers and the importance of establishing a sound spiritual foundation for children. I also understood the process of spiritual growth attending to capacity, capability and interest. However, I must admit I felt totally inept as a teacher! Being a new Baha'i, I thought, surely my students will figure out that I know absolutely nothing!

Saturday, we studied Module 3 which was focused on teaching with the Core Curriculum materials and it thoroughly outlined the Core Curriculum for grades Pre-K to 12. I am completely blown away at the breadth and depth of this curriculum. It covers everything from the Principles of Oneness, to the Central Figures of the Baha'i Faith to the World Order of Baha'u'llah. There are copious books, lessons plans and there seems to be strong network of support.

Today was the the fourth and final module and we studied the Child-Development Centered Community. There is an African proverb that "It takes a village to raise a child" and that was very much the theme of our lesson today. The betterment of the world will be the responsibility of today's children. Why not empower them with a sense of purpose, importance and value? It was so beautiful to be in deep discussion about how children, not at all just Baha'i children, will have to work in perfect synergy to bring peace to the world. So often I get discouraged when I look at the apathy and indifference of today's youth. After today, I feel personally charged with mobilizing today's youth and the mobilization will come through spiritual education.

The weekend was long and intense, but I don't feel tired. Quite the contrary my spirit has been refreshed, renewed and I'm ready for God's use. My classmates were all so beautiful - African, Caucausian, Persian, Indian, African-American, Hispanic... all on one accord. All striving towards a better world than the one awoke in this morning. All understanding that children will be the vessel for this change. My circle of friends has certainly expanded. The training was so dynamic - music, dance, drama, imagination, journaling, consultation, reflection, practice, studying, becoming intimate with the Baha'i writings... I feel as though I was given every resource for success, not only in teaching but in being a better person with an unwaivering purpose.

How many a child, though young in years, is yet mature and sound in judgement! How many an aged person is ignorant and confused! For growth and development depend on one's powers of intellect and reason, not on one's age or legnth of days. - Abdu'l-Baha

Quagmire

2005-06-09T13:31:00.000-05:00

You know, there are just a ton of fabulous words in the English language that get positively no use and it's most unfair.

Today in a meeting, a co-worker used the term "quagmire" to describe the political b.s. that goes on throughout DoD. I thought it was blog-worthy becuase really... who uses that word? Ever? For any reason at all?

So, here's to the extreme fabulousness of "quagmire;" may the world catch on!

Introducing My Friend... The Author! :-)

2005-06-07T14:28:00.000-05:00

This went out as a mass email to everyone I know in this world so I decided to post it here too and maybe reach some people I don't know!

Hi all,

I'm not sure if everyone has made their summer reading selections, but if not I've got the perfect book for you...

One of my dearest friends, Mary B. Johnson, is officially a published author! Mary's first novel, Harbor, hit book store shelves on Saturday, May 28! Mary allowed me to read that manuscript for Harbor several years ago. A creative blend of vivid imagery, smooth poetry and relatable accounts of life, Harbor is a tale that will capture everyone. I couldn't put it down -- seriously, I finished it in a day! Harbor can be found in stores a B. Dalton and Barnes & Noble and on-line at http://www.amazon.com/ and http://www.publishamerica.com/.

Many of you have met Mary through me and if you haven't... you don't know what you're missing! Mary is one of the most gracious, humble and down-to-earth person I've ever had the privilege of befriending. I met Mary a few years back while working at Georgia-Pacific. Over the years, Mary has become a great friend, mentor and make-shift big sister. I'm so glad Mary has the rare opportunity to share her gift of writing with the world.

Help me, help Mary make this a New York Times best seller! Buy a copy (or two, or ten!) and forwarding this along to other avid readers you may know.

I am putting together a special Book Club: Harbor Edition in both Atlanta and Washington DC (and the rest of you are scattered across the US, but you can join us virtually!). If you'd like to participate and/or are having trouble finding the book, please let me know.

Thanks a ton! :-)

Meetings: The Practical Alternative To Work

2005-06-06T18:12:00.000-05:00

Dave Barry once said, "Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organizations habitually engage in only because they cannot masturbate. "

Meetings are like the crack-cocaine of the Federal Government! I've really never seen anything like it... I've only been here for four-business days and I've already attended, 12 meeting... Imagine how many I'm going to get to attend when I actually have a clue to what's going on and know all the acronyms! This was my favorite -- today we had this atonishingly vague, no one-knew-what-the-heck-was-going on type meetings and the consensus at the close of the meeting was NOT to gather more data on the subject. It was NOT to talk to systems programmers who actually had a clue... it was for all of us (the befuddled group) to meet again -- tomorrow morning at 9:00! Mind blowing. I guess none of us are as dumb as ALL of us!

Aside from the outbreak of meetings, the weekend was great! I went to dinner (that I didn't pay for) on Friday with my old mentor, his wife and daughter (a new Boozer). Wilson is a Democrat from Mississippi and from a time where politics really mattered! He's a hoot and one of the few people I know who detest George W. as much as I! Saturday I had lunch with Mikey and I spent time with the kids... not so fun because the little 2-year old can be a real brat at times.

Yesterday was also my first 19-day Feast. I felt like the Belle of the Ball. For once, it wasn't so sucky being the new girl. I got to meeting the rest of the Arlington Community and they were all just gems!

My goal this week is to find a Spanish Class not affiliated with a college or university! I've decided to become fluent in Spanish because this German proficiency is of absolutely no use! For Arlington to have such a high Hispanic population, I expected the Spanish classes to be in abundance but what it really translates to is lots of English classes... Wrong assumption on my part!

If you know of any Beginners Spanish courses, in Northern VA, MD or DC, please let me know!

My Unhorrible Week in Review!

2005-06-03T21:48:00.000-05:00

This week has been retardly awesome! Amazing what a change of scenery can do for the spirit! :-) After the fiasco with my client last week at work, my company moved me from the hell that is IAIP and moved me to a project closer to home and with a strategic outreach/change management team! I'm now supporting the Department of Defense change communication effort. This is my first non-DHS project since I've been consulting and there's so much to learn about the agency. I've also been the "communications" person for a couple of years now and I feel like my professional growth has been stunted because I haven't been learning from people. Everyone on my team is so positive and I'm astounded at how infectious positive attitudes are. I've not felt this good and had this much enegery on a Friday in a long time!

I've also had some fun times this with my crazy friend from work, Jenna! Monday we went shopping at Leesburg Outlets, I swear it's the closest to God I've ever been! Bombay, Williams-Sonoma, Pottery Barn, Gap, Banana Republic -- you name it, it was there and I was there shoppng like the noveau riche or something! She and I also hung out last night with a dinner, wine and a Sex and the City marathon; she's almost as obsessed with the show as I am so we had a ball!... we knew we were finished when we decided to dance in the rain in the Safeway parking lot! My hair texture was not all that excited about the latter activity!

I had my Ruhi class and it's really great, but I learned something that really concerned me... One of the things I find the most beautiful about the Baha'i Faith is the belief that both men and women are equal - two wings of a bird. But, I found out that there are no women on the Universal House of Justice, the supreme legislative organ of the Baha'i administrative order. I can't understand how men and women can be equal and yet there are leadership levels in the Faith that are unattainable by women. It reminds me of the politician who represents underserved areas, works for the plight of minorities, campaigns for more funding and yet refuses to let their kids attend schools in those poor areas. It's not too far from the seperate, but equal" theory decided by the Plessy vs. Fergusion case. I'm still trying to rationalize it but perhaps it's something I'm not to understand.

Dream or Reality?

2005-06-02T22:19:00.000-05:00

For the past few weeks, I've had a dream that I'm in love with this guy (I know that's a flaky start, but hear me out)....

This guy has looked a little different each time, but in each dream, he is not someone I would date, ever. He's not my type, quite unattractive (to me) and a total goof but I am crazy in love with him! It's a love that is so pronounced that when I wake up, I can remember how I felt in my dreams. I can feel the love I had while dreaming. They actions in the dream are always random, everyday things but the whole time I'm thinking, I am disturbingly in love with this guy.

The overarching theme in the dream is that it doesn't look like what I thought I wanted and I'm conscious of that. Yet it's more than anything I could have ever dreamed (but if I'm dreaming it, maybe it isn't more than I could've dreamed)... I remember at one point in the dream last night, I looked at him over the room, and mouthed "I love you." Although I was in mid-conversation with someone else, all I could think about what how much I loved this guy.

By the end of the dream, we had a daughter (thank God she looked like me!) and when I came home from work, presumably after long day, he was cooking dinner, she was in the high chair eating contently and they were both thrilled to see me. Afterwards he gave her a bath and I watched them both thinking, "does it get any better than this?"

I'm kind of sketched out about the whole thing, honestly, because I remember every detail and I can still feel.... However, I tend to think this is more of a metaphor about life more than it is about a relationship.

I thought maybe it correlates with my relationship with God. Certainly I couldn't have ever imagined I'd be a Baha'i and yet it is so fulfilling and it's renewed my relationship with God. I feel like I'm falling in love with God all over again.

Or maybe it's to teach me to be content with life, even if it's not what I imagined. What's so strange is that in the dream, I'm always aware of this is not what I wanted or what I thought I wanted but, it's mine - my reality.

I think too often in life, we try to take reign over everything and forget that as much as we'd like to run our own agenda, there is someone with a plan far superior to our own.

Crash

2005-05-27T23:50:00.000-05:00

So tonight just capped of a truly great day. Great weather, new client and I got to do the Cha-Cha slide during work hours at our over-the-top company"picnic."

Tonight me and a group of friends went to go to see "Crash"... an amazing, amazing movie. There are very few works of art, in recent memory, that have provoked such thought. As to not spoil the movie, it's a unique commentary on the human condition and the underlying causes of it all -- prejudice. Few are the things that make me truly sad and a catalyst for this sadness is when I feel that the human condition is irreparable. This 115 minute film capture so many aspects of what plagues humanity and regardless of race, nationality, religion, socio-economic background, etc... no one is exempt from having those thoughts that we all have. While prejudice and hatred are taught, sometimes it is reinforced through encounters and life experiences and I just can't figure out how you change someone's perception that is rooted in experience. Does that make any sense? I could go on for paragraphs and paragraphs about the intracies and subtleties of this film but I'll just say, go see and call me immediately afterwards!

I'm really looking forward to this three day weekend! I start my new project with a great team on Tuesday and I'm so very excited about this. I feel like my work at IAIP was purgatory and now I've been granted a pass to the promised land -- if that sounds extreme, you've never worked at IAIP Business Operations Center!

I've got an awesome weekend planned with good friends - helping Sara move tomorrow and hanging out with Jaimee. Some QT with my kiddies on Sunday as well as having dinner and devotional at Hilary and Aaron's and on Monday I'm hiking/shopping/movie watching with Jenna

... and I swear I'll clean my house in the midst of all that...

New Beginnings!

2005-05-24T22:50:00.000-05:00

It's been an interesting past couple of days...

First things first, I'm officially a Baha'i! I think I even surprised myself with this decision. While I have been a "seeker" for months, I'm not sure if I ever thought I would be able expand my old beliefs, start a new walk with God and become a Baha'i. My hesitance had very little to do with the Faith and everything to do with how it would impact my family. I made my declaration on Sunday (ironically Sunday was also the Declaration of the Bab), but I couldn't be completely excited about it because I was so worried about what my mother would think. I composed a very sincere email about my decision and her response totally blew me away!! My mother was tremendously supportive, understanding and open. Her email ended with:

I don't know anything about the Baha'i Faith, but I know you and you've always shown very good judgment and you've always been very introspective in all decisions you've made... Good Luck with your new found path as you pursue fulfillment in the realm o f God's word. I love you.

She even offered to attend Baha'i services in Atlanta to gain a better understanding of the Faith. Once she was satisfied that I wouldn't be able to hurt myself, hurt others or stray too far away from the 1o commandments, she was OK with my decision. I don't think I had ever been more proud to be my mother's daughter than I was at the moment.

With the declaration and family acceptance done, now the real work starts. I get the feeling that being a Baha'i means lots and lots of work, which is awesome! I'm taking Core Curriculum Training, Study Circle and trying to learn everything as quickly as possible. Sometimes I have to remind myself that it took me 23 years to learn all that I know about Christianity, so I need to set reasonable goals and pace myself. I'm just so inspired and uplifted by everything I learn, it makes me thirst for more.

On a not so great front, work was a disaster today. I finally reached my breaking point with my client, after he questioned the back-to-back deaths of my grandmothers. I packed up my office and walked off the client site. At that point, I was 100% sure I wasn't going to have a job. However, I received a call later that evening from my admin manager who apologized for the abusive work conditions with this particular client and offered me a clean break, even though the client requested that I finish up the week. I'll be starting a new project on Monday, so I'm anxiously anticipating which one it will be.

Either way, I'm so thankful for new beginnings both big and small.

Amazing, Amazing Day!

2005-05-21T21:15:00.000-05:00

Strain every nerve to acquire both inner and outer perfection, for the fruit of the human tree hath ever been and will ever be perfection both within and without. It is not desirable that a man be left without knowledge or skills, for he is then but a barren tree. Then, so much as capacity and capability allow, ye needs must deck the tree of being with fruits such as knowledge, wisdom, spiritual perception and eloquent speech.
-Bahá'u'lláh.

I've just spent the past 12 hours in Core Curriculum Training. Core Curriculum Training is a four part module that prepares Baha'i teachers to provide children the foundation of spiritual education. Through studying sacred text, consultation, acting, drawing, imagining, working together we really got to the heart of what it means to teach and the importance of teaching children in building the kingdom of God. My classmates were some of the most geunine and passionate people I've ever encountered and the energy made the 12 hours seem like no time at all.

We only got through the first two modules today -- the first on the Station of the Teacher and the second on the Spiritual Reality of the Child. We are born noble and pure, and as we live this life, this nature becomes marred and weathered. It's so amazing to think that God can use someone like me to instill in children the importance of maintaining this nature and developing other virtues such as truthfulness, gentleness, accountability, purposefulness, etc.... and I could use these lessons myself. Once I complete the additional two days of training, I will be able to teach Baha'i School and I am most excited about that!

On a not so happy note, I missed Elon's graduation today because of all the time I've missed at work as of late. One of my most favoritest people in the world, Ronetta, graduated today. It's so funny; I used to think I was so much older and wiser than she and I always thought of myself as her big sister. I can't believe how fast time has flown!! I'm so incredibly proud of her and regret that I could not have shared this day with her.

Well, I've got a date with "Return to Me" tonight and then I'm going to go to bed. I feel so good, I may even do something useful tomorrow... like go grocery shopping!

Am I Doing This Right?

2005-05-19T22:30:00.000-05:00

This blogging thing is totally new to me. Everyone keeps telling me that this is the perfect outlet for my cynicism so I finally got bored enough to do it. Actually, sick enough. I've lost all ability to breathe through my nose so I can't lay down (irrational fear of dying because I'll forget to breathe out of my mouth!) and I don't really want to unpack from my trip because I kind of like my living room being an obstacle course...

I just got back from Georgia to attend the funeral of my paternal grandmother -- this is my second grandmother to die in 30 days and the people at work are just kinda rolling their eyes at me at this point! Anyway, it was great to see my familia in full effect. My grandmother had 9 children, 21 grandchildren (I'm #11) and 20 great-grand and we were all there, which is rare. I had cousins and aunts and uncles there that I haven't seen since I was 4 or 5. My grandmother(lovingly known as "Madear") had colon cancer and had really began to suffer in the last week or so. Although it hurts not having her here, I'm so happy she's gone on to a more peaceful place. My grandmother was born on Valentine's Day and passed away on Mother's Day -- most apporpiate for the woman she was (or is?). She was very much the moral voice of the family and almost immediately my family fell apart - drinking, fighting, drinking, bickering... and more drinking. I - like most black folks - have that one overly religious aunt who thinks because she's "saved" and "found Jesus" she can condemn everyone to hell and tell us all what we should and shouldn't do - definitely the source of lots of drama this weekend. I suspect that was her way of dealing with guilt and loss.

On another note, there were so many things I never realized about my family:

1. I didn't know my grandmother was only 72; I thought she was so much older. Grandmas are supposed to be OLD OLD!
2. I didn't know my grandfather had an identical twin brother -- very, very scary!
3. It's very easy for African-Americans to give you a nickname at the age of 2 weeks and it stick for life. Case and point, I have a 30 year old cousin, still called "Lil' Man!" Not until reading my grandmother's obituary did I realize that my Uncle Skeet's name is Earnest; Aunt Diane's name is Rosalind. My Father's middle name is not Lee - in fact he doesn't have a middle name at all, so I'm not sure where Edware Lee came from. My grandfather's name is neither Brownie, nor Mule, it's Earnest Sr.
4. I didn't know I had a sister who was 16 either... YIKES!
5. I didn't know I'd developed some type of social retardation -- I literally wished to be invisible midway through the repast on Saturday. I felt as if I would go into convulsions if I had to interact with any more family a second longer!

I'm really looking forward to this weekend. I start the Core Curriculum training for the Baha'i Faith. I'm so excited about the opportunity to teach children about spiritual education and the importance of being good people -- I swear I don't ever remember that lesson when I was younger. Probably would've saved me lots of grief... Sometimes I think I'm too bitter to be Baha'i, but I'm learning or unlearning.

Anyway, I'm all blogged out. The set up was a real work out.

Night Kiddies!